Your children are a blessing that should enhance your relationship with your partner, not complicate it. After all, even if you did not plan your children, you certainly made plans for their arrival and even looked forward to it during the nine months leading up to their births. For most couples, this was a time that brought them closer together. So why is it that after the children arrive, some couples drift apart? Raising a family can be tiring and stressful while being joyous as well. However, being tired and stressed is no real reason to allow your partner to take a backseat in your life. The secret to success in being married with children is finding balance. Your children are important and should be top priority, but your partner must also be a priority if you want your relationship to last.
Making Time for One Another
Many couples find themselves wrapped up in work, their children’s activities, and other goings on in life, forgetting (albeit unintentionally most of the time) that time with their partner is an important factor in a strong and healthy relationship.
Couples often let their jobs, stress, and activities get in the way of their relationship. While many intend to spend time together, they offer excuses about their children their work, and other things in life, spending less and less time with one another until they are living together but essentially leading separate lives. This is unfortunate when all a couple really has to do is make time for one another.
Don’t view this in terms of “scheduling” a date night or sex. When you begin scheduling your relationship, it becomes a job rather than a relationship, and when you have to put that much effort into wanting to spend time with your partner, it is time to reevaluate your priorities and your goals. Instead, you need to literally make time for one another. Nothing in life is so important that your partner and family cannot come first. You should be willing to drop everything to be there when you are needed. Instead of rushing out the door, get up or get ready earlier so you can spend some extra time with each other. Don’t use being tired as an excuse not to spend some time talking and holding one another at night. In other words, take the time out to make your partner feel wanted and important every single day; otherwise, communication will break down and you will find yourselves talking less often… and when you do talk, it will be either small talk or arguments because you have nothing else to say to one another anymore. You should take time out for dates as well. Plan on going out without the kids every now and then. Parents needs some alone time to spend talking and being close to one another. You might have children but they do not have to be the topic of every conversation you and your spouse have.
The more time you make for one another, the closer you will remain. Sex and intimacy will improve or remain unhindered by your status as parents. Marriage, sex and parenthood are integral parts of most adults’ lives, and finding a balance is the only practical way to ensure that you can enjoy each of these aspects of life without hindering the others.