Much Ado About Nothing: When Couples Fight for No Good Reason

Every couple disagrees from time to time. After all, each person is unique, and differences of opinion are bound to occur. However, some couples fight over legitimate issues that they cannot see eye to eye on. Some couples fight frequently; others fight occasionally. Then there are couples who fight for no good reason at all.

This is a common occurrence with couples who may have once been able to brag that they “rarely” argue. Then, after a few years, and some life changes and unexpected circumstances, the fighting begins. Moreover, often, these couples cannot quite figure out why they are suddenly fighting on a regular basis or what the fighting is all about. There are common reasons why couples argue:

  • Difference of Opinion
  • Sex
  • Money
  • Personality Differences
  • Jealousy
  • Illness/Medical Problems
  • Anger/Frustration
  • Miscommunication/Misunderstanding

Then, there is the other common but unusual reason couples fight: nothing. Oh, the fighting couple believes they both have a legitimate reason to disagree; typically, once spouse has initiated the confrontation and the other feels a need to hop on the defensive, escalated the ridiculous fight. And while outsiders literally might find this petty squabbling senseless and pointless, there is a perfectly good explanation for all this much ado about nothing.

Too Much Time Together?

Consider this, partner A held a full-time job while partner B was a homemaker mainly because of serious medical problems.

Their arrangement worked and they got along incredibly well for such a young couple. Then, illness struck. Partner A was forced to stop working, receiving permanent disability benefits. During his application and waiting period, partner B was forced to drop her disability case and go back to work, despite her health. After all, someone had to pay the bills. Still, they were a good team, and even the common problems of marriage did not cause a lot of tension and argument. Because of her own health, partner B was forced to work from home while partner A took over the household duties.

Then, the trouble began. This couple was together 24-hours a day most of the time. With the exception of the occasional errand by himself, partner A was at home with partner B or insisted she tag along whenever an errand was required. Because of this, they found themselves arguing often, and they were able to see that their arguments were ridiculous and often without any real cause or provocation. Many times over, they would be in the midst of a fight, wondering what in the world they were arguing about.

This is common with couples who spend all their time together. Couples should have a lot in common, much to talk about, and should enjoy one another’s company immensely. However, every individual needs some space and time to themselves, and absence does make the heart grow fonder. If a couple does not take some time apart to do their own thing on a regular basis, they tend to become annoyed with one another for no particular reason except their innate need for separate time. Because of this, the brain tends to nitpick and find reasons to argue. Furthermore, if it is a couple that rarely argued before, the fighting can become intensified because of a subconscious need to keep things interesting.

Relationships are about balance, and brain science says all couples require that balance – of time, sharing of tasks and responsibilities, etc. Remember to take time apart in order to make your time together worthwhile. If you do find yourself fighting over nothing, take a step back, evaluate the triggers and reactions, and make a conscious effort not to tear one another down simply because you are bored or irritable. Find a more productive solution rather than allowing petty arguments to destroy your once-happy relationship.

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