Sensuality and non-demand pleasuring are the basis of broad-based sexuality.
Sensuality involves pleasure-oriented touching such as body massage, taking showers or baths together, kissing, playing and touching while clothed or semi-clothed or laying together naked.
Touching is so much a part of sensuality. We learn what we like, how we like it, and how our partner likes to be touched. This is how we really begin to know our bodies and our partner’s body.
A hug may lead to kissing and a deeper sexual encounter, but it doesn’t have to. Being “in touch” with each other, such as the casual touch on the shoulder, is just as meaningful. It also important for each partner not to feel pressured to perform and to realize that touching does not have to always lead to intercourse. To instead view touching as a way to stay connected.
For example, one of my male clients said to me, “I love to just pat her arm when we pass in the hallway or while we are waiting in line at the grocery store. I also love holding her hand and looking at her after the baby goes to sleep. I feel so connected when we hold each other, gazing into each other’s eyes.”
His wife said, “He makes me feel special when he puts his arm around my waist or when his fingers lightly touch my hand when he wants to get my attention. I also love when he sees how tired I am after the baby falls asleep and he strokes my forehead. It’s so tender and calming.”
The point is… sensual intimacy is a couple thing, not an individual thing. If you’ve lost touch with each other or want to establish a new level of intimacy, then engaging in sensual touching will re-open the door to re-establishing the connection.
Remember to be patient though because rekindling desire takes time. It’s not an overnight thing. You need to make a conscious effort to regularly spend time together because it will not happen spontaneously with a child on the scene.
Once you regain your emotional and sensual connection, you’ll wonder how you ever got along without it. The bonding and joy that sensual touch brings will carry both of you through and create touchstone moments to keep it that way.