By now, most of us have heard about surrounding ourselves with as much positive as possible verses negative – but what does that mean when it comes to our relationships? First we have to look at the quality of our thoughts in general. Do you tend to think “I can’t do that” or “I can do that”? Becoming knowledgable on which side you lean towards is the most important step as it creates the awareness of where you presently stand.
The next thing to look at is our emotions. Are your emotions mostly happy, angry, or a combination of both? If we look at a wide range of positive emotions—from awe to amusement to interest to inspiration to gratitude—what they all have in common is that they are responses to your current state or experience at that time. They are usually not a permanent state, only feelings that fluctuate. This is true for all emotions, however the positive emotions tend to be more temporary, as we do live in a very busy, sometimes overwhelming, world. Often, we are not aware of the positive emotions due to our tendency to see the negative ones.
Positive emotions are also desired states. Not only do they feel good, but we desire to feel them, as often as possible. Some people might say it feels good to be angry, and at times anger can be useful or productive, but generally, people do not desire to feel angry. Positive emotions can make us healthier and happier if we take time to cultivate them.
When people increase their daily doses of positive emotions, they find more meaning and purpose in life. They also find that they receive more social support—or perhaps they just notice it more, because they are more attuned to themselves and others. They begin to show mindful awareness of the present moment and increased positive relations with each other, especially true within your relationship.
SIMPLE STEPS TO CULTIVATING POSITIVE EMOTIONS
A positive emotional relationship begins with believing in yourself and also in your relationship. Know that you are both good people who are deserving of each other’s love and kindness. If this is something you have doubts about, it would be helpful to think about what your needs and wants are along with your partner’s and reaffirm your connection with one another. If the two of you believe in one another and both of you want a positive lifestyle, you may need to learn how to make the commitment to do your best to maintain a positive demeanor and start with small baby steps. Being aware of what brings you gratitude, joy and happiness and to notice on a daily basis what actually makes you feel good is the first step of being mindful of positive emotions.
An example would be if you come home from work, exhausted, and take notice that your partner has neglected to do the dishes that have been sitting in the sink all day. Your partner hands you a cup of tea and suggests you relax. You have a choice in the moment to either react and get angry at the neglected dishes or take a breath and realize the positive verses the negative.
What is required is the willingness to make a change for the better, being aware of your patterns that are not working, adjusting your thoughts and attitudes toward life and each other. This process is one that takes time and it will likely take more than a moment for you to see and feel the results. Much like compassion, positivity is an ongoing process. As part of that process, you will need to accept that sometimes we experience positive and negative emotions, which is part of life. We want to be able to understand and accept our negative emotions while not getting caught up in them. Being aware of the pattern in your relationship gives you the opportunity that your negative thoughts and emotions sometimes serve a purpose on what we can learn from them and what we would like to change to live a happier and healthier life.
Cultivating positive emotions and allowing that feeling to flow through your relationship is a great way to go through life with the one you love.