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Sensual foot massage

Relax…Calling All Sensual Soles

This is by far one of the most relaxing treats you can give one another – the sensual foot massage. Because it’s so relaxing, you might want to wait and save it till the end of your day.

I just love this because after a long day at work, my feet really hurt. So guess what I ask my husband when I get home? “Honey I know you are tired, but please can you rub my feet?”

It feels so good, sometimes it is better than sex. I love my feet being caressed and touched and yes, it does relax me and lead to other things at times.

We used to relax in front of the TV and he would get involved in watching some show and just keep rubbing my feet. If he stopped, all I had to do was wiggle my foot and somehow he got the message to keep on rubbing. Lately, we have decided to rub our feet and stay in the present moment with no TV, a completely different experience.

So let me give you some tips how to create a sensual experience with your feet:

1.  You will need two buckets, or tubs of water. Foot massage or pedicure tubs work great, but they aren’t necessary. You can pick them up at departments stores and they aren’t that expensive.

2. Begin by washing your partner’s feet. If you have decided to take turns, have several towels on hand along with enough soap, lotion, oil or powder for both of you. You don’t want to be interrupted in the middle of it by running out of something.

3. Take the time to set a romantic atmosphere. You might like candles and music… When my husband and I started doing foot massages we watched TV. It felt good, but we were not really paying attention to what we were doing and it was more of an unconscious exercise. But by changing our pattern, we became more aware of the sensations and enjoyed the experience more and definitely felt more connected.

4. Fill two buckets with warm water, one for washing and one for rinsing. The water should be a few degrees above body temperature. Any hotter, it will be uncomfortable. You can also add a few drops of an organic water softener to create a soft sensual texture. Be aware if your partner prefers fragrance free, but I like relaxing lavender.

5. Next, sit in a chair facing each other with the bucket on the floor between you. Place his or her feet in the water for a few seconds. Lift one foot and then slowly and carefully wash it with soap. Keep it wet and slippery as you wash all the tiny crevasses. After you’ve washed one foot, place it back in the water and pick up the other one. Repeat the process. If you put a towel on your lap for your partner’s foot to rest on, you won’t have to stop and rinse your thighs before going onto the next step.

6. Once you’ve washed each foot, put a clean towel on your lap and lift the first foot out of the water. Lather it again, feeling the way the soap feels on your skin. Enjoy this moment. Before the soap gets sticky, put your partner’s foot into the rinsing bowl and then lift the other foot from the washing bowl. Repeat the process. When both feet are washed and rinsed, move the tub aside and take one foot out of the rinse water. Wrap it completely in a towel. Do the same to the other foot. Lift one foot onto your lap and dry it thoroughly, making sure you dry between the toes. Then take your time and lavish it with oil or lotion or powder. Repeat with other foot.

7. Then take one of your partner’s heels and put on your thigh. Hold it in your hands for a few moments to warm it and then begin rubbing. To relax the foot, start with lower leg and rub downward towards the feet. Then very gently in small circles, lightly caress from the heel to the bottom of the toes. Use your entire hand to caress the foot and massage between the toes. If your partner isn’t too ticklish , you can use light feathery strokes or use your fingernails to create wonderful sensations along the bottom of the feet. If you are too ticklish in the beginning, try returning to a very light touch after a few minutes and usually the sensitivity decreases.

8. When you have finished with one foot, repeat the same sequence on the other foot. Enjoy and really experience all the different sensations.

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Neurobiology and the Mind: What Is it really?

Neurobiology is a complex subject, but it s not impossible to understand. If we break it down into basic principles and key factors, it becomes easy to learn. But why learn about neurobiology? Because neurobiology plays an important role in our emotions, thought processes and even intimacy with our partners. To start on the path to understanding neurobiology, we will first visit the topic of the mind.

What Is the Mind?
At its basic form, the mind is what we use to relate to our experiences. The mind is also what regulates our energy and information within our bodies, as well as our relationships. The mind plays a vital role in how we think and memorize things, in our emotions, our awareness and our overall experiences.

The Mind during Every day Processes
If you think about it, our minds are full of personal experiences regarding our thoughts, memories and feelings. The mind also contains the activities that drive our behaviors and actions, including how we interact with our partners.

What Does the Mind Do for Our Daily Lives?
The mind is highly rational. It is influenced greatly by our social interactions and our relationships. Our daily experiences influence how our minds react to, think about and interpret our experiences. It is thought that the mind is self-organizing and that it shapes the flow of energy and information through the body over time. The fact that mental life itself is a self-organizing process that focuses on a relational flow of information and energy shows that our minds are not separate from our bodies or intimate relationships. Instead, the mind learns from them and starts to regulate them accordingly.

Improving Your Mind, Improving Your Intimacy
Once you learn how to control what your mind takes in and how it is organized at a stable rate, you will see a drastic improvement in your body, your thought processes and even your relationships. Things will feel more clear, detailed and in-depth. This improves your mind and health and a healthy mind is stronger for intimacy and stable relationships.

One of the best ways to improve your mind is to think of your brain and body as one singular tool. Promoting integrative communications within your relationships and honoring the differences that each individual brings into your life can help you promote compassion and overall communication with your partner. As a result, you will have more fulfilling, rewarding relationships that integrate kindness and intimacy.

You may not be able to monitor and explore your mind in front of you, but by understanding it from the inside you will find that you have more rewarding relationships and experiences in your daily life than you have ever had before.

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Relationship Advice 101: Things the Happy Couples Do

You’ve seen them – those couples who can’t get enough of one another and they have been together for decades. What do they know that you don’t? One of the biggest relationship advice requests among couple is how to be more like those couples. Believe it or not, it’s not top secret. In fact, most of the practices of these happy couples you can easily start now – if you can make the effort.

Keep the Dating Life Alive

This doesn’t mean go out and date other people. It means keep the lifestyle of you both dating one another alive. Stay spontaneous, keep up the revealing conversations and share intimate details just like you would when you were dating your partner.

Spend More Time Trying on Each Other’s Shoes

Your spouse has his own point of view and so do you. If you expect for you both to agree 100 percent of the time, you’ll be severely disappointed. When you have a disagreement, still be yourself and make your point. But, take the time to reflect back on that moment and relive it in your partner’s shoes. While some couples try this bit of relationship advice and apply it during the fight, you’ll find better results reflecting back later – not trying to be the other person during your argument.

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Sexy Tips for Keeping Those Home Fires Burning

It is easy to let the passion and romance die out after several years of marriage, especially once you have children together. Your professional and personal responsibilities are so exhausting and time-consuming that sex starts to feel like it’s another tiresome obligation. If neither person is really that disappointed when intimacy is repeatedly postponed for several weeks in a row, then it is time to reignite those homes fires.

An intense sexual attraction was what initiated the relationship and it must continue to burn to keep the relationship alive. The powerful emotional connection and physical endorphin rush that two people share during sex are necessary to maintain a happy marriage.

Here are a few sexy tips for keeping those home fires burning:

1.      Look Sexy to Feel Sexy

There is nothing wrong with getting comfortable in a relationship. Most married people gain a few pounds, stop shaving as often, and relax a little on their pre-marriage beauty regimen. Just keep in mind that it is important to not let it all go and stop caring about your appearance completely. Your physical appearance still matters to your spouse and it should also matter to you. Looking and feeling sexy on the outside is a great way to relight those internal desires.

2.     Listening for the Signs

There is nothing sexier than someone who really listens and understands your needs. Make sure to pay attention to the verbal and physical signs your spouse is giving you. They may be trying to initiate sex and you are unintentionally ignoring the signs. Too much rejection will make your partner feel like it is not worth the effort.

3.     Add Spice & Spontaneity

You can quickly reignite those home fires by breaking out of the normal sexual routine. Catch your spouse off guard with a playful squeeze or seductive rub in public. Pick up a special toy or a revealing outfit that will spice up your next sexual experience.

4.     Try Role-Playing

Many couples find it hard to maintain the same sexual excitement when they are making love to the same person in the same position time and time again. Costumes and fantasy role-playing will create the illusion that you are experiencing sex with someone new.

5.     Make Time for a Getaway

It is hard to truly feel sexy in a house full of kids. Plan at least one night away together once a year where you can focus solely on satisfying each other sexually. If you can’t afford to stay someplace other than your own home, you should at least arrange for sleepovers with their friends or grandparents.

Intimacy is an essential part of any marriage. A long marriage may decrease the passion and frequency of each encounter, but it shouldn’t put the sexual fires out completely. You can keep the home fires burning long after you have children by putting a little more effort into looking sexy, listening to each other, being spontaneous, role-playing together, and planning a yearly getaway. Your marriage and sex life are worth the effort.

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Top Ways to Make a Relationship Work

When you’re in a long-term relationship, there are going to be fights and issues you both have to face. Before you call it off, consider some of these tips for making a relationship work – even when things seem like they don’t.

Put Yourself in the Running
Too many individuals lose their individuality when they enter into long-term relationships. They put their partner first and stop working on themselves. This can lead to disastrous results – especially if you sit stagnant for too long. Instead of ignoring yourself, improve yourself. Consider taking up cooking lessons, reading or just learning a new language to keep yourself on the path for improvement.

Enjoy Quickies
Too many couples assume that spontaneous, quick love making sessions are for when you’re young and first dating. A fast sex session might not have the same bang or romance as a long one, but it helps trigger the chemicals in the brain that give you that “love” feeling. The more you engage these chemicals, the happier and more romantic you’ll be overall.

Never Go to Bed Angry
You have most likely heard this one before and it’s true. Couples should never go to bed angry with one another. Going to bed angry can make you not only have a bad night, but a bad day – only making that fight or problem linger on longer than it needs to.

Relax
If you never have time to relax, you’ll notice your relationship is strained. Couples that relax after work or unwind after a long day have less bickering and pointless fights than couples who don’t take a little time to calm down at the end of the day. Consider setting a “wind down” time each day where you both can relax with one another.

Split Up the Chores
More married women get stuck with the chores around the house than married men. This adds a lot of strain on the relationship when you’re constantly taking on additional chores and your partner isn’t. Considering splitting up the work to make things around the house more even. If your partner doesn’t like it, then cut back on the spending and hire a third party to do the cleaning for you.

Prenuptial Agreements are Back
You may be insulted if someone asks you to sign a prenuptial agreement, but studies show that this relieves a lot of tension in the marriage. When couples know that their partner isn’t with them for any assets or settlements, it ensures everyone is happy emotionally and secure financially.

Get Help
If you notice you and your partner are fighting a lot, consider couples therapy. It isn’t taboo to get a non-bias third party in the mix to help you both sort out your issues. A counselor can help identify any underlying problems that both of you are ignoring and help you get past them s that you can move on to a healthier, happier relationship.

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Are the Same Old Fights Impacting Your Relationship?

When you and your partner are at odds, do you notice the same old fights come up? You’re upset about the kids, he wants more free time, you feel he doesn’t share his load of the housework and it all boils down to the same old script – just a different day. If you and your spouse are constantly rehashing the same fights, you have one blaring issue: you’re not resolving the problems. Fight topics keep coming up when they aren’t resolved and this can impact your relationship a lot more than you might think. Sex and emotions are tied together as one. The more animosity you both have, the less likely intimacy is at the forefront of your relationship. The good news is you can get past your rehashing and move on to a more healthy and satisfying relationship.

Housework

One of the more common fights among couples is about housework. One may feel they’re doing more than enough while the other feels nothing is being shared. By creating a fair division of the housework you and your spouse can move past this. There is no formula or definition of what is “fair” – it is all about what you and your spouse find to be fair. For example, you want help with the laundry, but he is in charge of all of the yard work. Consider splitting up the task by him helping put laundry away and you start managing the weeding or gardening to help even out the workload.

Money

Let’s face it; money and relationships don’t always mix. Most relationships are based on opposites – you’re attracted to someone opposite of you. Therefore your money management skills and styles may differ. Perhaps you’re the spender, but your partner is the ultimate saver. Rather than try to conform or make your partner become more like you, sit down and look at each other’s point of view. Ask yourself why your partner saves money, but you don’t mind spending it. Perhaps your partner feels your money situation isn’t as secure as you do, but sitting down and discussing these feelings may help you both see eye-to-eye on household finances. Also, consider doing the bills together either bi-weekly or monthly. Make a budget that works for both of you, but doesn’t upset the other.

Intimacy

Sexuality between a couple can often just boil down to your desire versus your partner’s desire. Whether it is you that wants more or him, negative feelings can arise when one partner feels rejected or neglected by the other. Consider sitting down and discussing what you both need out of your relationship. Find out where you are mismatching and if there is a compromise you both can live with. By understanding what each person is feeling, you can work to a viable solution.

Whether your fights are about low sexual desire, money or who does what around the house, rehashing the same fights will get your relationship nowhere. Instead, look out for the common fights and ask yourself why they keep coming up. You might be surprised at how unresolved these simple issues are and how easy they are to solve.

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Finding Time for Everyone in the Family

There are a lot of time-consuming responsibilities that naturally come with being married and having children. There is also a lot of fun that can be had when you make time for each other. Finding time for everyone in the family can be tough, but it’s worthwhile. This article will discuss the importance of quality time with every member of your family, as well as a few tips on how to find time to spend together.

Spending Time with Your Spouse

Many happily married couples find it challenging to get any one-on-one time after they have children. Having kids means more shopping, more cooking, and a lot more cleaning. Both parents are usually exhausted once the kids finally go to sleep, so they don’t have the energy to spend any quality time with each other. They also don’t have the energy to make love, which can lead to a lack of intimacy.

Not making time for each other is a major pitfall in most marriages that must be actively avoided. Make sure to schedule at least one hour per week for just you and your spouse. You can plan a regular date and watch a movie while cuddling together on the couch every Friday or Saturday night. You can play cards together at the kitchen table when the kids are doing their homework or you can sit on the porch and just talk to each other when they are playing in the backyard or inside the house. You should also make finding a reliable and trustworthy babysitter a top priority. You will need at least one date night per month where you actually leave the house.

Spending Time with Your Children

It can be difficult for one-on-one time with each child when you have more than one. Try to create bonding experiences with one child whenever the others are occupied with something else. For example, if your son has baseball practice, you and your daughter can play at the park together while waiting for him to finish.

Another idea is to create date nights with your kids. Daddy can take his daughter to a movie while mom is taking her son to the video arcade. The parents can switch places the following weekend, so each child is receiving quality time with each parent.

Spending Time with Your Family

It may seem like you are always together, but most of that is just by circumstance. You need specific family time that is just about having fun together. It is important to have tech-free time at the dinner table where everyone can discuss how their day went and TV programs that you can watch as a family. I also recommend a family card game, board game, or sports activity at least once a week.

Spending Time with Yourself

Many people forget to spend quality time with the person that needs it the most; themselves. You need personal time to recharge your own batteries if you expect to be useful to the people you love. Always remember that there is no one who can take better care of you than you.

It may mean waking up an extra half hour early to sip your coffee and read the paper on the back porch. Or it could mean staying up a little later so you can enjoy reading a book by yourself in a bubble bath. Pick something that you love doing and squeeze it in whenever you can. Try to aim for half an hour every day. It will be worth it!

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Facebook Rules for a Happy Marriage

Almost everyone in the world uses Facebook. It can be a fun way to pass the time while also staying in touch with your family and friends. It can also be incredibly destructive to a marriage. Many modern marriages have seriously suffered because of Facebook-obsessed spouses or online social media affairs. That is why it is essential that you play by the Facebook rules for a happy marriage.

Here are five Facebook rules for a happy marriage:

1.     Set Your Status to Married

Many single people (and married people who wish to be single) will scope out potential mates on Facebook, and they assume anyone without a marital status must be fair game. You can avoid any potential misconceptions by clearly stating that you are married on your profile page. It is also a good idea to use a picture of you and your spouse as your profile pic.

2.     Allow Your Spouse Access to Your Account

If you are in a healthy and happy marriage, there should be no reason for your spouse to check your account, however, you should still make the option available to them. Giving them your password will give your spouse reassurance that you are not hiding anything. There shouldn’t be any secrets from your spouse in the first place, so there is no legitimate reason to deny them access.

3.      Limit Time Spent on Facebook Games

Online games are designed to be highly addictive, and it is easy to waste hours every day playing around on Facebook. Talk to your spouse about how much time is acceptable and then agree on a limit that works for both of you. It is also important to the health of your marriage that you don’t turn down spending time with your spouse to play Facebook games. Try to find games where you can interact with each other like “Words with Friends.”

4.     Post Only Positive Statuses About Your Spouse

Facebook is a public forum, which means it is not a place to vent about what your husband or wife did wrong. If someone is interested in you sexually and they see that you often complain about your husband, it may look like an open invitation. If you regularly post statuses about your daily life, make sure to only choose moments that reflect positively on your relationship.

5.     Reject Flirting Immediately

It doesn’t take much for an innocent conversation to turn sexual. Happily married couples should instantly reject any private or public conversation if it appears that the person has ulterior motives. Don’t be afraid to unfriend anyone whose flirting makes you feel uncomfortable. You might temporarily hurt their feelings, but you will hurt your spouse a lot more if they discover you were participating in the flirtation.

Facebook has billions of users, and the majority of people log on daily to check the newsfeed, play games, and chat with friends. It is an exciting social platform and there is no real reason for happy couples to avoid Facebook, as long as you and your spouse agree to play by the rules.

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Self-Compassion In Relationships

Our relationships with our partners, family and friends often take some effort to maintain as neglecting any aspect of one of our relationships can result in miscommunication, misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and resentment.  Many factors go into making a relationship work, including what you do to take care of yourself during high stress moments.  In this article, we are discussing self-compassion and the things that can make a significant difference to you and your partner.

What is self-compassion?

“Compassion is sensitivity to the suffering of self and others and a commitment to do something about it.” – Paul Gilbert

Self-compassion is a state of warm-hearted, connected presence during difficult moments in our lives.  It provides emotional strength and resilience, allowing us to admit our shortcomings, forgive ourselves, motivate ourselves with encouragement, and care for others. Self-compassion is a skill that can be cultivated by anyone.

It is having mindfulness, common humanity and kindness towards oneself.  Mindfulness is holding your own thoughts and feelings rather than suppressing or being carried away by them.  Common humanity is the understanding that your feelings and experiences are not completely unique. No matter how hard we try to avoid or hide them, all of us have our ups and downs, and sometimes the downs include pain, frustration and disappointment.  Being kind to yourself is not only providing comfort in the moment; it is also committing, whenever possible, to reducing future instances of such suffering.

How To Bring Self-Compassion Into Your Relationships  

1. Remind yourself to slow down.  Take notice of when you become irritable or angry when you are with your partner.  Taking notice is the first step to making a change.  Meeting yourself where you are, rather where you think you should be, will help to you to accept the situation, calm yourself, and slow down.

2. Ask yourself how can you and your partner be happy right now.  Enjoy what you want for the fact that you like it or the activity of it.  This will help bring more awareness about yourself and what makes you happy.

3. When you make a mistake, it becomes a great opportunity to express compassion.  Remember that we are all human and we probably will hurt someone, in this case, our partner, or ourselves – it is part of the human experience.  Taking responsibility for the mistake is a great example of using compassion towards yourself along with situation or person that was hurt.

4.  Learn to generate a kind voice in your own head.  Think of something that you do not like about yourself – as if you have a critic.  What is the critic saying and what emotions are rising as you hear them?   Invite and acknowledge all of these feelings and emotions, whatever they are – anger, sadness, fear, resentment, envy.  Try not to judge any of it as they are simply just thoughts and feelings moving through you. It is neither bad nor good, just awareness.  The compassionate self must be built – this is a great awareness exercise for building it up.

As you practice self-compassion, you will likely discover the awareness of being present.  You will feel more freedom to show up as you are and a greater sense of well-being, for yourself and your relationships.  Another wonderful outcome of practicing self-compassion is once you’ve experienced it for yourself, you will have it to share with others and it will flow automatically and effortlessly.

 

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Relationship Communication Quiz

Here is a true or false relationship communication quiz.  There are no rights or wrongs in the number of true or false answers to this quiz.  Simply look over your responses to get a feel for where communication problems or perceptions exist.  Encourage your partner to take the quiz as well, either together or separately, either way will suffice. Once you both have a tally on where the communication in the relationship stands, refer back to the article on communication in relationships to review some basic communication principles for a healthy dialog between partners.

1. I often cannot seem to find the right words to express what I want to say.
True or False

2. I do not speak up because it tends to only make things worse.
True or False

3. I tend to worry that exposing myself to my partner will result in rejection.
True or False

4. I often do not speak up because I am afraid my opinion is wrong.
True or False

5. I talk too much and do not give my partner a chance to speak.
True or False

6. I do not look forward to my partner speaking.
True or False

7. My speech can often be defensive.
True or False

8. I frequently bring up my partners past failures.
True or False

9. My words do not match my actions.
True or False

10. Once I get started in an argument, I have trouble stopping.
True or False

11. I do not honestly listen.
True or False

12. I try to repay anger with anger or insult with insult.
True or False

13. I tease my partner too much.
True or False

14. I do not spend enough time speaking of really important things.
True or False

15. I often lie by omission.
True or False

16. It irritates me when my partner brings up a problem.
True or False

17. I think that it is important to lay out to my partner all of the complaints I have about them.
True or False

18. I tend to say, “you always” or “you never,” when discussing my complaints with my partner.
True or False

19. I rarely state my complains to keep from hurting my partner.
True or False

20. I state my complaints often in a heated manner.
True or False

21. I do not like to argue because I feel arguing reflects poorly on the relationship.
True or False

22. I do not like to discuss our negative feelings because it only makes us feel worse.
True or False

23. I do not feel I should have to bring up what is bothering me because my partner should already know.
True or False

Again, there are no rights or wrongs in the number of true or false answers to this quiz.  This is just to simple gage where you are currently in your communication process of your relationship.  As with all things, knowing is the first step forward.