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Knowing your True Self in a Relationship

Each person is completely unique, even if he or she has something in common with others, especially their significant other. Individuality is important, and knowing who you are plays a key role in your relationship, as well as the choices you make for yourself. If you are unsure about yourself or insecure in anyway, this can have a detrimental effect on the choices you make, as well as the strength and stability of your relationship.

Standards and Expectations  
Setting standards and expectations for yourself is a good way to ensure success. When it comes to relationships, this will help you to weed out those toads in order to find your true love hiding deep within the lily pads. If you do not know who you really are, there is no way you can definitely set forth your standards and expectations.

And if you enter into a relationship unsure of yourself, you cannot possibly know what you want and are almost guaranteed to encounter difficult relationships filled with incompatibility, struggle, and strife.   Being able to say,  I know who I am, I know who I want, and I will not settle for anything less,  will help you to be more discerning in your choice of mate, and will enable you to find someone you can build a strong partnership with; standing beside them for all the right reasons, as opposed to leaning on one another for the wrong reasons and wallowing in a miserable relationship that will inevitable come to a bitter end.

Conflict in Relationships
No relationship is without its fair share of conflict. However, there is a fine line between a healthy amount of conflict and navigating some seriously rocky terrain. If you do not know whom you really are and cannot set forth your standards and expectations, you run a high risk of allowing insecurities to creep into your relationship causing undue conflict. Insecure people tend to be vulnerable, choosing mates who are not always the best choice for them, and failing to stand their ground about what they believe and want, as well as being susceptible to tolerating things they should not tolerate simply because they are too insecure to believe they deserve any better. For those who do find a kind and loving mate, despite their insecurities, conflict can creep in because insecurities tend to make people paranoid, causing them to start fights and aim accusations at their partner, even when unfounded and often ludicrous. And while such petty conflict can be the insecure partners way of reassuring themselves of the others devotion and love, over time, this same type of conflict can drive the other partner away because of the constant arguing, clingy-ness, and need for unnecessary reassurances.

Commitment  
If you do not know who you really are, you cannot possibly make a commitment to yourself. This means you cannot set forth those important standards and expectations for yourself or a relationship. If you cannot commit to yourself, you certainly cannot commit to a long-term relationship, nor can you expect that relationship to be strong and healthy with only a reasonable amount of conflict. The bottom line, no matter what your age and experiences in life, find out whom you really are, committing to yourself first, and then find that special someone who will love and appreciate you for who you really are.

Positive Psychology in Relationships

Relationships, no matter what level they are on, can have ups and downs. They can make you happy and at times sad. We are all looking for ways to enhance our relationships and make them better. When the relationships in our life are in unison, everything seems in sync.

One new view when it comes to enhancing a relationship is that of positive psychology. Many people think that psychology mainly focuses on the mental aspects of things. While it does, positive psychology has a different view. Positive psychology doesn’t focus on what’s wrong, but looks more at promoting a sense of well-being. It looks at how to get the life and relationships you want. It’s about your life experiences having a sense of happiness and pleasure – and ensuring that it all has meaning to you.

So how can you use positive psychology to enhance your life and your relationships? By utilizing these positive psychology techniques, you will become a better person and thus be better when it comes to the relationships in your life. These techniques include:

  •  Enjoy the moments in life by being aware of the things that give you pleasure. It’s OK to feel a sense of pleasure when something good happens. Enhance that pleasure by sharing it with others. Let them know about your experience and how great it was. Sharing a positive experience allows you to share the experience with others and assists in enhancing your communication skills with one another.
  • Try to avoid repetitive behaviors and experiences. It’s common knowledge that anytime you share an experience with someone, the first time you experience it is typically the best time. If you try to keep repeating that experience, it will never be as good as the first time. Try new experiences as often as you can. By introducing new experiences, you’re giving your relationship a chance to experience something new and thus creating a new bond with each experience.
  • Invest time in your friends and family. Building strong personal relationships has proven to enhance a person’s well-being.
  • Let go of any anger and resentment in your relationships. While it may feel like you’re doing something good, you’re actually hindering your happiness and adversely affecting the relationship when you hold onto these feelings. Try ridding yourself of the anger and resentment by writing it all down.

Developing a strong bond in your relationships needs to happen on all levels. A relationship that has a strong bond and sense of well-being in the good times has the foundation already built to get through the bad times as well.

Positive psychology is becoming more popular as time goes by. While the techniques look simple – and in a sense they are – there needs to be focus on the techniques to make them work. If you don’t give them your full attention, then they won’t be beneficial in the relationship or in your life. Relationships are a large portion of our lives. So making them the best that they can be is important. Use these techniques, and you are on your way to achieving a greater sense of well-being in your life.

Relationship Connection

Connected relationships lead to a greater stability in all of your relationships – including family, friends and coworkers. To create shared meanings and values in your relationships, identify the shared meanings you already have and decide what new meanings you may want to add. Shared meanings help people, whether family or friend, settle conflicts and collectively pursue the goals that really matter to them and the relationship.

Some examples of shared meaning goals are raising a healthy child, building a successful business, or helping an elderly relative pass peacefully – all depending on what is being presented by each specific relationship. When two people find a shared meaning, they are willing to support each others dreams, even when there is little to gain personally from doing so, which is important for satisfying relationships.

Attaining A Shared Meaning In Your Relationships

Recognize The Conflict – Conflict often stems from inner dreams and ideals. If you uncover the ideals hidden behind another person’s position during a conflict, you can often find some common meaning. However, this strategy does not come easily for most people. Practice self-compassion and mindfulness to really take notice of what conflicts you may need to resolve within yourself. Looking inward is a great first step to solving anything. Once you are able to broaden your discussion to include dreams and hopes, you can see where your visions merge and find room for compromise.

Talk About Your Dreams – Encourage one another’s support for these aspirations. Keep in mind that talking about life dreams and what they mean to you requires some degree of trust between you and your partner (or friend/coworker). Such discussions can bring up issues so important and deeply felt that you may feel vulnerable. Just as with many high-risk propositions, there is also potential for high gain. Talking about your dreams and aspirations can lead to stronger emotional connections with the people in your life who matter most.

Meaningful Activities – Regularly engage in planned meaningful activities that draw people together emotionally. Most of us were raised in families in which some rituals were considered important (religions holidays for example). Create your own rituals – whatever you wish for them to be – it could be as simple as the ritual of a shared family dinner once a week. Rituals with family and friends will give those relationships more shared meanings.

Shared meanings are a big reason why we connect in our relationships in the first place. Harvesting these meanings will only create better connection.