Without a doubt, the physical aspect of sex feels good, and the orgasms can be phenomenal. Still, when a woman has trouble achieving an orgasm, she can feel extremely unsatisfied with her sex life, and herself. In fact, not having orgasms can cause a drop in the female libido. In addition, if that is not bad enough, her partner might think they are doing something wrong between the sheets, preventing that fiery release. The truth of the matter, however, is that the inability to achieve an orgasm is caused by many factors. Understanding these factors, as well as how orgasms really happen, can help you and your partner to find ways to make your sex life far more satisfying.
Why Can’t I Have an Orgasm?!
There are many reasons why a woman may not be achieving an orgasm during sexual intercourse.
While sex feels good, it takes more than the act itself to get a woman in the right mood and right frame of mind for satisfaction. The body may be involved, and sexual intercourse plays a role in bringing about the orgasm. However, brain science plays an even bigger role, as it the brain is the body’s message center. The brain sends messages of pain, pleasure, and emotion throughout the body. It also controls and responds to genital stimulation. If the brain is not sending the right messages, your body is not going to respond with the perfect ending to sexual intimacy.
If you have had a child recently, between lingering pain, added stress, and sleepless nights, odds are, your brain is saying, “Not tonight, Dear.” Stress from work or life in general, body pain, chronic illness, and depression or other mental health concerns, can keep you from getting in the mood, and if you do decide you want to have sex, these factors might stand in the way of an orgasm. Furthermore, women are different from men. Men are turned on fairly easily, and they are typically ready for intimacy within moments. Women, on the other hand, need to be romanced, relaxed, and warmed-up for their desire to fill to overflowing. While foreplay is definitely an important aspect of this, a woman’s mind also needs to be prepared for intimacy by making her feel comfortable, relaxed, secure, loved, and desirable.
Neurobiology and Intimacy
Neurobiology, or brain science, teaches us how the brain works. Our brains are message centers that help us to identify and relate to our own experiences, our emotions, and awareness of ourselves and the world around us. Each person, although similar in some ways, has vastly different thoughts and experiences. This applies to sex as well, and for the woman who is experiencing any intimacy issues, the brain can be both her friend and her enemy. Learning how to cope with stress, to relax more, and to take time out to focus on romance and intimacy -without allowing other aspects of life to creep in and ruin the moment – can help women to get a handle on their concerns over a lack of orgasm, bringing newfound vigor to their sex lives.